Mishap Madness

 

Tried my hand at making homemade smoothies. I was watching one of my all-time favorite beauty bloggers *Misschievous* during one of her summer fit blogs and she was making smoothies. Thought to myself … “Ya’know, I think I would like to make my own smoothies too.”  I mean, how hard could it be? You throw some stuff in a blender and blend.

So … I put in a little of this, a little of that and a more than a hint of something extra. It wasn’t until I was standing in line at the grocery shop, that I had learned the error of my ways.

I had been having stomach issues and was told that adding fiber would do the trick. Metamucil was recommended. Fresh out, I opted for an alternative. The next best thing and the only thing in my cabinet, good old exlax. “They are pretty much the same thing right?”

I learned just how wrong my choice to improvise had been … and even more ridiculously stupid the decision to ignore the directions on the bottle and add slightly more than the recommended dose really was as I stood there, next in line, after having already waited a good fifteen minutes with next to seven maybe more people in line behind me when a sudden sense of urgency hit home.

Stubbornly I stood in my place not wanting to start my place over in the line wait. Especially in a jammed pack store with only two register lanes open.

I’m one of those girls who will NEVER openly admit and say out loud that “Everybody poops.” You’ll never get confirmation of that voiced out. However, in the foggy veil of the false sense of security being behind a computer screen lends, It’s a lot easier to choke out in writing.

Having said that, you’ll now more clearly understand my embarrassment when I tell you that … Through shallow breathing, a sweat stained brow and a very nervous look flashed across my face, I began dodging the concerned glances from my husband. Not to mention the funny looks I received as I walked slower than normal as I did the clenched butt cheek walk of shame all the way back to the car.

That is how stubborn I am about this situation. I could have, but wouldn’t excuse myself to the bathroom. Reason 1: Because going to the bathroom in public is already awkward. “Why does everything seem to echo so much louder in a public restroom?” It’s as if the world suddenly decide to hush at once. Going more than pee in an already uncomfortable situation strikes the pit of fear of public humiliation right down to my very core.

Seriously L Visions of people rushing out in hysterics, loudly expressing their disdain for the grossness going down in the bathroom to anyone and everyone who will listen … Followed by me and my less than graceful exit confronted and trapped in place by crowds of people pointing and laughing pops into mind. I just can’t do that in public.

And the second reason for choosing not to go is “The husband.” He always and I do mean always says … “Gotta poop huh?” In some form or another when I mention I have to go to the bathroom. Only this time he would know I was lying if I said no. And then I would have to admit out loud that “Yes.” As gross as it is … Girls do.  It was a defeat I wasn’t willing to face.

So … With ass cheeks cleaned tight – I suffered through the bumpy road home. A very bumpy, twenty minute ride. Rudely ignored my duty in helping unload the groceries. I B-lined it straight to the bathroom. 

Bottom line of the story?

1.       Do not ignore recommended doses (There are there for a reason)

2.       Only improvise smoothie ingredients when if they are food or milk/juice related

3.       Exlax really works … I mean REALLY WORKS (for those who might have need)

I do not plan on having this mess up again. I have sincerely learned my lesson. However I am in full addiction mode when it comes to smoothing making. So far I haven’t made the best tasting I got to try this again smoothies. They are decent, but nothing I would want over and over. Anyone out there? Who might have come across this blog have any good smoothie recipes? I would love to try some tried and true “This is delicious.” Smoothies.

If you happened by this blog, I hope you enjoyed it. I hope that it helps you in the future or today and that your day today and all days after are no less than good  :) Thanks for reading xxDee