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I was asked a question the other day, it made me think. The question was "Why do you blog? You do not have many followers, do you think they care?" This was asked by someone close to me, who will not be named. I started to wonder, I ransacked my own mind for the answer.
My answer? " I blog because I want to." To me, it is not about followers, it's not about anything really. Maybe I am some sick girl who likes to hear myself talk, but in all honesty. It serves as a learning tool. A diary.
Randomly, I will go back and see what the year held for me. I will note the stupid things I have said, when I was ignorant to an actual situation *Before looking into the truth of what I was talking about, and only writing my thoughts based on assumptions.* Just to remind myself that speaking out about things that you know nothing about, really does not serve me well. I just look like a damned fool. "My way, of teaching myself to think before speaking, to know what it is I am claiming to know." A lesson, that even to this day, I am still learning, regardless of the many times I have stuck that foot in my mouth.
I sometimes write things about my life ... something I am going through, something that I am having a hard time making decisions about. It helps to re-read those things. To see if there are hidden answers in my words that my subconscious is screaming out to me.
I could throw out all kinds of strange reasons why I blog ... but it all comes back to one thing. "Because I want to." I do not think that was the answer she was looking for, but it is what it is, you know?
Moving on .....
I got some new neighbors. They are both strange and cool all at once. They are also nerve racking, and intrusive and I am starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home.
First day I meet them, is move in day. Three little blonde girls show up at my front door, asking when the bus is coming because they know I have daughters that they want to meet. "The previous neighbors, had filled them in."
They spend about 10 minutes at my front door before I kindly tell them I will see them when I come out to the bus stop to get my girls.
"First impression, they are cute.... I do not dislike them, I think they are sweet."
My girls meet them and instantly find fast friends. They are in and out of my house for the remainder of that night.
AT ONE MOMENT, I GET SOME DEEP INSIGHT ABOUT WHO THEY REALLY ARE.
I am sitting on my sofa, the twins are sitting there, telling me about their old house. "I am wondering how long they are going to live here, due to the fact that they have been at my home for 6 hours now and I am seeing any peaceful weekends that might have come, being shattered in the distance before me."
The girl in pink ..... she goes, we are staying a long time ... we are staying until the rapture. I look at her, surprised, slightly creeped out. Here was this adorable blonde headed little cutie who looks a lot like the kids from the movie "Village of the damned." Telling me they will stay until the rapture. I look at the sister, the twin sister with the same adorable face who is seated on my coffee table .. she immediately follows up her sisters words with "So it won't be very long.
I KNEW they were church people. The husband is the pastor of the church the old neighbors (who were also the pastor of the church for) the replacement. I just had never really talked about religion with the old neighbors so I did not really know their stance on everything, how tapped out and Christian crazy they were. I had told them in the beginning, We are Catholic. "That tends to send most dominations away." Well, truth is ... I just learned to use the trick. I honestly do not believe in organized religion. Seems like another way to get people to conform. Scare them into their ways. Whatever ... I am off topic (point is) I chose to lie about being catholic to keep them off my back to join them at their church, so I never really talked about their beliefs. So I was quite surprised at these little ones remarks.
I legit envisioned a cult sacrificing themselves because they think its the rapture and they were chosen. But then again, that could just be coming into mind thanks to he numerous other reports of shit like that happening.
I blew it off ... thinking, I do not want to talk about that stuff, specially not with 5 year olds. SO I continue about the house doing things I needed to do before the day was out. Adenia says "My dad is the new pastor of the church, he's the boss of the church and god." Thrown a little I ask, he is the boss of god? She goes "No, he is the boss for god." Looks at me, puts her finger to her mouth and says ... I do not think you know who god is." I look at her, I go ... no, I know who god is. She replies. GOOD, because we do not want you to go to hell. No one wants to go to hell.
That isn't even what bothered me ... what bothered me is when Avery came crying to me that she was going to hell. I was like What the fuck? She cries to me ... they said I am going to hell because I am not wearing a Christian dress. Jesus Christ are you fucking kidding me? I ask them, why is she not a Christian girl because of that dress.
Because it doesn't have straps they reply, and it shows her shoulders. "I look at the girls shirt, and think... what the hell little jesus kid ... your shoulders are showing. I say nothing about that. I was like, That doesn't make her unchristian, and if you are going to be honest, Jesus says come as you are ... it doesn't matter if you are wearing a strapless dress, or no clothes at all... what matters is that you come. "I was so very annoyed."
But lets move away from the fact that these little kids are creeping me the hell out with all the god like talk .... and move on to why I am actually annoyed.
So the next day, I take my girls to school. I clean, or am in the process of cleaning. Here comes one of the twins knocking at the door "You said you would make cookies." Sigh ... I had said I would make cookies but I didn't mean that night. She says, well can I have a snack then. I send her off with some chocolate covered pretzels because I am busy. I lock the door.
no luck on that though
I forgot to lock the back door. They knocked at the front door, I ignored it because I was busy trying to get my house clean. Here comes a couple of kids through the back door. Unlocked the front door for the other kid and now they are in my girls room playing barbies.
WHAT THE FUCK?
For 3 hours these kids were in and out of my house, touching this, asking for that. I honestly fear that my house will become their territory .... I just need to start remembering the damned locks. But its sad you know, when you have to lock your doors because people can not respect others boundaries.
OH..... AND PS. I am a whore, according to those girls, because I was wearing red lipstick! Who cares that I do not normally wear red lipstick and that this was an unusual occurrence "I was trying to feel seen, I feel so unseen sometimes." I guess those kids were right "Attention whore -- and I was trying to get laid. I do not normally wear makeup so I was hoping by wearing it, I would be attractive instead of looking like plane Jane. LMFAO, so I guess it was slightly whorish" Sigh ........
Anyway .... I have a lot more to say, but my blog is turning into a book and my coffee is cold, so I will save it for tomorrow. I hope that anyone who happened to come and read this has a good day.
xxDee
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