Thursday Throwbacks

Every time Thursday's roll around, I am flooded with Throw back posts. I rarely participate in them, but seeing how I am trying to get my butt in gear, and back into the groove of writing something more than a check to pay the bills, I just figured - Why the hell not? So let's throw it back. Way, way back ....

Musically: We all have our favorites songs. You know, the ones that grab hold of your ass and take you on a magical, memory filled, fun ride. Digging deep and reaching into the far back of my brain, the song "Semi Charmed Life - By: Third Eye Blind" stands out like a hobo at a star studded fund raiser. Taking me back to a sunny weekend drive in Argentina Texas. "Long story short." I dated a guy three times my age, therefor was unaware, too naive to understand what I was getting myself into. One black eye later, and a bruised ego - I was sitting in the back of my older sister's boyfriend's, roofless jeep, the wind in my hair - this song on repeat, stunned and thrilled that I had the balls to book it out of there, while so many women I have known (some of those women - women I love with my whole heart) never found the gull. This day, was a good day. This day I started over.

Movie wise: Think back to your younger years. I am sure that, some if not all of you can think of a movie or two that was "The best movie ever." Or so you thought, until years pass by and you find yourself in an awkward conversation, when the friend you "Swore" it was worth watching to, is now questioning your mental IQ. You head to the kitchen, grab some snacks and plop your butt down on the sofa, "They are wrong." You insist. "Howard the duck, couldn't possibly be stupid. Space balls, you remember, was surprisingly entertaining." You flip on Netflix and bam, childhood ruined. What you once thought was an epic, never to be topped movie, now has you asking yourself "What was I thinking?" I personally have quite a few of them, however, I do not believe that this is one of those face palming movie moments when I say that I absolutely loved, and still love ....
The money pit. Here would be my favorite part.

Personally speaking: Growing up, we really did not have much money, so when we got something we asked for, we were always over the moon happy about it. I think I cried for joy when I got my New Kids On The Block t-shirt. This picture, is me after receiving the best gift ever ...
My roller skates!

Throw back Thursday's are meant to take you back to a time held dear in your life, to get you to focus on something that once made you smile. So I pose a question, What are some of Your throwbacks? What gets you nostalgic? 

As always, I hope each and every one of you who happen to pass by, has a wonderful day. xxDee

W. T. F. Wednesday's

W. T. F. Wednesday's

Do you ever wake up and think - I should be neighborly, make welcome baskets or quiches or something, and get to know the people around me? Maybe that is just me. I had just watched “The Stepford Wives.”  But once upon a time in my life, I very much envisioned a cookie cutter lifestyle, where neighbors would smile and wave, and wives would get together and do bake sales, husbands would smoke cigars and talk about politics, or golf, cars, whatever. Kids would be out riding their bikes and sweet old people would be sitting in their rockers, keeping a watchful eye on House 476’s little Susie, the cutie patootie, eleven month old  who is just learning to walk, and is now teeter-toddling across the lawn. (Think, The Truman show.) Apparently my brain is stuck in a fairy tale infused themed set in the 50’s, maybe 60’s.

Of course, I have always wanted to be someone awesome in the circus, swinging high on the trapeze to, and that didn’t happen, so I guess, I should have known better.

Anyway – getting on with it …

No sh*t, there I was ... Minding my own business while spying on the neighbors. (Like you do – when a newly made app called “Next door” comes out, giving you a front row seat into the lives of those around you. “Or.” At least a sneak peak, into their personalities, based on the posts they choose to post. Now, I don’t know if it’s just my street, or if everyone’s street is like an over exaggerated, drama filled episode of Jerry Springer, but it was in that very moment – while I sat, dressed in my favorite PJ’s, drinking my over sweetened coffee, that I realized – maybe it’s not a bad thing “Keeping to yourself.”  

Post after post of “Clean up your dog *we will say mess – their term was a bit more colorful.* “If your dog S**t’s in my yard again, I am calling the cops.” “To the lady who lets her dog *mess* in my yard – I caught you on camera (then proceeds to post picture.) LMFAO – you kind of just got to shake your head at this one. Almost like death threats over something so petty.  The posts got worse, and if it wasn’t an invasion of privacy to screen cap and post, I would.

Cut to –  Neighbors, calling out other neighbors like high school kids calling kids to meet them in the parking lot after class.

“To the neighbor who called the cops on me for riding my mini bike – come to my driveway, like a real man, and see how brave you are.”  Followed by what you can imagine, a very heated discussion. Even the old lady I had met and never would have guessed would be anything less than sweet, chimed in with posts that would make even the most seasoned Hussy blush.

I am telling you, if you want mindless entertainment and do not mind realizing that your neighbors are somewhat scary – check the app out for yourself. Grab some popcorn, or some snacks. You’ll need it.Next Door App

Anyway, that is my “What the F**k Wednesday. How about you guys? Has anything happened lately, or have you seen anything lately that just made you think ... “What in the actual F’ing F**k”  

Like this video for instance.

Sorry about that.  That couldn’t be unseen, and I wanted others to suffer with me. “I’m sick like that.”  Have a great day you guys. xxDee

Online Friendships ... The real thing?

When I think back to a time of adolescence, I vaguely remember the atrocious task of making friends.  (I was a shy kid, with deeply embedded fears of rejection. Making friends for me was somewhat terrifying)

I somewhat remember the - Freckled faced, fashion challenged, mess of a me -  standing idly by, both hoping to gather the courage to strike up a conversation with the gaggle of girls next to me, who sat gossiping about the latest Johnathon Taylor Thomas news, and wanting to blend in with the dirt on the ground unseen. I learned a lot back in those days.

Cut to - making some pretty cool friends throughout those years.

Both friends from my younger years and friends from my adulthood - have either ended in goodbyes, or like now, they continue on as if we are family, regardless of blood ties or the lack thereof.

I was around both when the internet was not a thing, and here now after it has blew up bigger than the Macy’s day parade balloons. I will admit that while the internet holds its dangers. (Stalkers, trolls, whatever.) It’s basically an open invitation to any and all things, good or bad. It is also a very useful tool.  Especially for shy people who might be a little off kilter, a little strange, and oddly tapped – to meet and make friends, much like themselves.  

I was told by a friend – Who I will leave nameless: “Stop texting (Facebooking) her back. It’s not like you guys are real friends.”

That got me to thinking … (Why? Why are online friends not considered real friends to the people you see face to face?) Online friends, or at least the ones I have made – react much the same as my “In person friends.” Some, I consider more like family than the actual family I have. Some internet friends have come and gone, ended in goodbyes, and some, have become like family. Family I may have never met, but if something arose and they needed me – I would fight hell, and high water to make sure I was there for them.

I have been on pretty much every social app you can think of. Myspace, Facebook, Instagram, Mobli, Disqus – I have met and liked, met and lost, met and fell in love with the friendships that grew, from a lot of those internet contacts. I myself, personally, see internet people as real people. Real friends.

If people have taken the time to get to know one another, taken the time to care, doesn’t that make a friendship? 

As always, I hope each and everyone of you, who just so happen to pass by - has a wonderful day ahead. XxDee 

Hitting Refresh

Okay guys, it is obvious I am an easily distracted blogger. I was here, I was ready and then BAM! Swamped by life and my blog once again took its place on the back burner. I need discipline. Or, I need to tell myself that I am not allowed to blog, so that I will naturally rebel, and just do what I should do and - BLOG!

Update: Writing - A few months ago I was challenged to write 10 original creepy tales by Halloween for my girls. (They would like - a copy in hands, not just on screen.) I am almost there. Almost finished. However, their copy will be printed on our home printer. (It will not be available for all until Oct 2017) However, I think I will choose whichever story is their favorite from the ten, and share it with you guys Here on my Authors Blog. So watch out for it.

Update: Kids - Back to school time! I am torn between excitement and dread. Excitement - anyone who has more than one kid, or has babysat multiples, or even has a a gaggle of nieces and nephews would understand why.  "QUIET!" The never ending, sass riddled, fighting that goes on between my girls (if seen by the outside world) is enough to convince anyone that birth control is in fact a great thing. (I half kid there.) I love my three monsters, but people who only see up to the cuddly infant stage might truly think twice after a day with them. I cannot wait for quiet time. But I do dread it, because even with all their nonsense fighting, I legitimately miss them when they are away from me. This is one of the last years I have with my eldest who will be going away for college in 2018. I just feel like time slips away faster during school hours, and I am not keen on the idea of time slipping away from me. I am at a point where I am desperately trying to hold onto any and all time I have left with them. - Sigh. But school it is, so here is to best wishes that it is a good school year and that we are not blessed with shitty teachers.
(JUST A QUICK RANT)
I am not fond of Overhills schools. At all. In fact, the only thing I thought that these schools had going from them is the BAND! But, the man who was making that possible stepped down to follow his own paths in life and someone else is filling his shoes. Or I should say, The shoes are too big and they keep falling off and this poor guy is fumbling mercilessly. He is nothing compared, but hopefully will prove the students differently. So far, consensuses says -- He sucks!  If band goes downhill, then these schools really have nothing going for them. I wish I could afford Private school for them.

I am not really sure how I am going to do my blog quite yet. Daily, weekly or even on what content I will decide to discus. I figure it depends on the day. I guess I will learn as I go, and take you guys along for the ride.

(Ps.) I set myself a phone reminder to blog, so do check back. This time (fingers crossed) I will be a little more punctual.
Have a great day guys. xxDee

OMG! She's Alive!

Well, (Me- I'm "She.") I'm Alive!
Although you wouldn't know it from my lack of activity "Blog wise."

Summer came and swept me up in its current. I was so sidetracked by life in general - "Spending time with my girls, sleeping in, etc." that's when I noticed I missed the "Summer is over." memo, I had already been away so long, that I sort of just felt blended and somewhat disappeared in the background. I didn't know how to get back.
It's sort of like how I was with Mobli. At first, I just sort of lurked in the background. Loving peoples post, commenting. I was pretty good at talking with people, that part was easy. But actually posting? I was nerve wrecked! But eventually, I just did it! It was freaking terrifying, but somewhere along the way, I just sort of found home in it.
Long story with Mobli, short - I lost my way there too. I just don't seem to know how anymore.
I guess my blogging is about the same as all of that - drowned down by self induced fears. "What do I say? Do I actually have anything worth saying?"
Then the (Bravest, or probably foolish part of me spoke up.) "Knock it off Dee!"  That little voice in me is right. I mean, as far back as I can remember - all my blogging has ever really been, is a sort of online diary, where MAYBE if I am lucky, I reach a few who actually get me. Or are going through something similar, who can relate, or offer advice, or even learn from my mistakes.
And face it, Diaries, well ... it's just like riding a bicycle. You never really forget the basics.


It's been a hell of a year guys! Or - Part of one. About nine months really, but it feels like a year. Hell - it feels like ten!
I wish I could say that I have been off having the time of my life, that everything with me has and is all peachy with cream. But it's not, it hasn't been, and I don't want to be a liar. It's been up and down and all around to where I am still trying to steady the dizzying flutter. I have been through a lot, I have done a lot and I have learned so much more than I bargained for.
Best way to catch up - is chronic logical  order. "At least as I remember it - Somethings are somewhat vague, it's been such a fast paced, whirlwind of a time.

June-July.
Summer started off bitter sweet for me. I was finally entering into the time I had been waiting for,
"No more teachers, no more books ... you know the song."
It should have been such a great time, but I ended up starting the summer while trying to regroup from a pretty disappointing time in my life.

But once I made it over the hump (Time) really is your friend, when it comes to shitty situations. We had a pretty good summer. Hit up the beach, went to a resort, played, slept in, all the normal summer stuff.
One thing that stands out in my mind is "OUR DEAL!" We had a freaking deal, if I made a movie "Silly little youtube video" by myself. Then they would make more with me. "I always shoot them, and leave myself out - I'm more of a behind the camera type of gal."
We still never made a new flick together! THOSE MONSTERS!!!
It's okay, they live with me, and I will eventually get them to hold to their word!

August - I cried! By the end of the summer I was so excited to get them back to school so that the fighting between them would stop, that I forgot how much I would miss them. I still miss them, but I have gotten used to the quiet.

Sept - Oct. Chorus took up most of our time. "I think I might have mentioned chorus and how we started that, but I am too lazy go scroll through my posts to check, so I am going to do a quick recap."

Once upon a time, I went next door with my sister to look at a house that she at the time might be interested in renting. Met a guy named Fred. -- well, he asks. "Do you like to sing?"
Of course we like to sing, so naturally I answered. "Yeah, the girls and I sing all the time." Meaning with the radio, not professionally.  Next thing I know, we are invited to his annual Easter sunrise, to sing etc.
I didn't know how to say no , I felt a little weird at first about it, but then one thing led to another, and It just gradually made its way toward - WE ARE SINGING AT THE SUNRISE.
After the Easter sunrise, I guess we could have stopped singing, but I fell so in love with the friendships we had created, that it became a very big part of my life. A looked forward to part of my life.

Learned a huge lesson in October.
One, the biggest reason why I tend to be a loner. Or an introvert might be a more correct word.
Letting people in, also lets hurt in. And I do not know how to navigate through that.
You see, I LOVE PEOPLE, I love getting to know them, learn about them, etc. But with me, it is mainly online, or in random places, where the contact isn't constant. It's easier for me without strings.
That being said, I did what I never do ....
I fell completely in love with the spirit of a wonderful woman, (A couple of women actually.)
And one decided to leave a little earlier than I or anyone involved really wished for.
It hurt. It still hurts. But even in the intense sadness I am feeling now, I couldn't imagine what the people who were closer to her are going through. It's incredibly painful to watch them struggle for peace. If only there was some way I could take that pain for them.

Lesson - It hurts to let people in, but so worth it, in an odd cosmic way, there is even beauty in tragedy. It's okay, it's natural to go through these things, and under no way is it possible to fully shield yourself from them. I guess I needed  a wake up call "I truly control nothing. - It's only an illusion that I do."

October also saw the publication of my third children's book. "It's almost Halloween." I noticed something about me. Why there is such a huge gap in between kid's stories. It's the illustrations. I cannot draw. It takes me forever. And one of the fall backs of self publishing is that it is all on you. The illustrations, editing, marketing, etc.  But I did it, and I think it came out nice! My kids like it! And that is all I am after with my writing. As long as one person out there likes it, I find it successful.

November- Chorus- turned out to be more than chorus. It led to church, which in all reality, I cannot call a church. There is no religion. It's just people discussing the bible, explaining it, debating on possible alternatives in meaning. etc.
OMG. I go to bible study!
You have no idea how weird that is for me to say. Especially because, I never really had interest in it. Never cared. Maybe I was too caught up in my own selfish existence to know that I was interested in it. and a big part of me, spent a good amount of time denying it.
Either way - Chorus led to bible study, bible study led to a course. "Bible boot camp 1." Which I passed! I got a certificate and everything.
Quite honestly, I am pretty proud of that! It was one of the first things I have followed through with until the end. (I start boot camp 2 - in the beginning of next year.)

December.- Here we are, almost to the middle of December. It is almost Christmas! It's almost a new year, (I will not be making resolutions, I will be thinking of a theme.) It feels like this year has just slid past.
I am sure that so much more has happened, but it' all a blur. I am simply sharing the things that stand out with a little clarity.

January - I was having a pretty off January, I did a lot of baking. I bake through my feelings it seems. A lot of inches added to the waist in January.

February - I wrote and self-published a short story in this month called Eight. (But shown as 8) I say I wrote it, but in truth, it sort of wrote itself. I had a plan for that story, things that I wanted to happen, and it took an entirely different turn. I was even surprised at the end. If you are curious, you can check it out here by following the link. Eight , you can get it in Ebook format, or print. And LOOK -- up there in the corner, that is my hard copy sitting next to one of my favorite writers of all time. Stephen King. SOMEDAY you guys! Someday I will be the girl version of him. It's a dream. You know.

ME NOW ..... March.
I'm a little ill. Seasonal allergies are kicking my rear. Not too much longer before my monsters are home from school. It is an okay day. I've been chatting it up with a friend, a fellow self-published writer. He has been incredibly helpful on this becoming a writer journey I am on. I love that. When writers can support each other, I find in this day and age, that most writers are hell-bent on keeping other writers down, to try to stay ahead of the game. Sad world we live in.



There are lots going on with me now - things that I will talk about in posts to come.
I really do need to get back in the swing of things.
I hope that anyone who sees this, each and every one of you - has a great day, good evening and a good night. xxDee

Negatively Speaking

NEGATIVE! FUCK YEAH BABY!

You know, normally I cannot stand negativity. However, when you are in agony waiting for a Dr. to call you with results about a biopsy, NEGATIVE is suddenly your best friend.

Today, is a good fucking day!

Torture, that is what the weekend was, and I was feeling rather run down Sunday, so much so that friends noticed. (I hated that I couldn't hide my worry.) Monday, I tried my best to stay focused on all things other than this, but it began to seep in, but by Tuesday (Today) I couldn't wait any longer.

I told more than a few people that I would wait until the afternoon, if they have not called and call them at noon. But I couldn't. I failed at the patience game! I am glad that I did too. Because had I not, I would have been thinking the worse all the way through lunch! NOTE: To anyone out there, sometimes it is best just to call your doctor and hassle the shit out of them! I guess when things are good, they do not bother with a call, or at least they do not rush to call. "They should!" You cannot tell someone something, send them home with a fuck ton of worries, get your answer and say nothing! There are freaking people out there like me! Who obsess to the point they are physically ill!

Anyway - I do have to take an antibiotic, but the test for whether that small lump they found was cancer came back negative! I AM IN THE CLEAR! However, I still with my whole heart urge you ladies out there to stay on top of checking yourself. I am lucky. Lucky as hell , but there are tons out there who are not. Please check yourselves regularly. Maybe even get tested to see if you are at a higher risk  Info about how - here!


So great news for a start to the day! That is a plus. We are also on DAY 2 of 4. Summer is edging closer. SO CLOSE! Which my excitement is beginning to take completely over the dread portion.

Thanks to my girl SHANDEE! (I love you girl) We have our first short flick of the summer to film. She planted a seed in my head, and now we have a full grown plant to nourish! Excited about that.

This morning, as in early this morning before the call to the doctors - I had a bitter sweet moment. I have been fighting my middle child Erin on whether or not it was okay to shave her legs at 11.
SIGH ..............................
Needless to say, she did win. I just didn't want her to yet, I know that she will regret this choice. Hell, I am 33 years old and I regret ever starting to shave my legs. Because now I am stuck with this forever! It's endless! UGH! But when she said that some kids were saying she looked like a yetti, I simply caved!
I do remember, I am not so old that I cannot recall wanting to shave my legs at a young age. I think I just wanted to hold onto her childhood a little longer. My babies are growing up too fast and I am having a hard time dealing with that.

Today is Avery's awards in class ... that kid is a mess. LOL. Legit, she is like ...
"Okay mom, it is at one! Specifically at one! You may not be late. So leave the house at 12:00, that way you will be there at one!"
(It's five minutes away mind you. - So I say)
"Okay, so I will leave at 1 and be there by 1:15"
SHE SCREAMS NOW
"Nooooooo!!!!! LISTEN!!!!! Leave before ONE! Get there early, If you miss me getting my award I will be upset. DO NOT BE LATE"
"So I should be there at two?"
"ARE YOU NOT LISTENING??????? MOM, NO! ONE! YOU MUST BE THERE AT ONE!"

LMFAO! Sometimes, I take too much joy into messing with that kid! At least I know she will smile when I roll in before one!

Today Britt has more exams, you know, I envy that kid. Here she is in high school, they are throwing things at her left and right, its hard ass work, She flourishes through it all. She continuously impresses me with her motivation! With her constant effort. She is way more responsible than I ever was at that age.  I am so completely proud of that girl.
Hate thinking that I only have three years with her left, before she heads off to college.
Maybe I will get lucky and she will go to college close by so that I can still see her.

There is a note for you moms to be out there who ask "What's the hardest part of being a parent?"
It's not the terrible two's , its not the fit throwing, bad behavior or fighting with siblings. It's letting go. It's hard as hell to step back and let them forge their own way! That is the hardest part!

Well, if I am going to be ready by one, than I suppose I better get ready now so that I am not late. I will get preoccupied with a thousand things, and before I know it, I will be late. I do not want to let that kid down today. I will never hear the end of it.

Have a great day everyone! xxDee

DAY 1 of 4

Four, not my favorite number of  numeric existence. But it's a nice solid number none the less. FOUR. That is how many days I have left of peace and quiet. Although I somewhat feel screwed on that whole peace part. My mind is anything but peaceful at the moment.

Four days until summer break! I am torn between "Dread and excitement."

EXCITEMENT: I'll have my three monsters home every single day! (Or) Home on days, they haven't decided to do something with their friends. Summer in the world of us Chattaway's - means - Creativity, and I thrive on that. I am never more satisfied in life, than in moments we find ourselves smothered in intense creativity. Be it - us, making short fun, and sometimes creepy flicks together. Making crafts, or building a sheet fort in the living room to tell each other scary stories. I love the thickness of the imaginations that dwell in my home. It is never dull around here. That is for sure.

DREAD: My girls seem to be at that age, where, every little thing that each of them do, annoys the other. There is constant bickering. I dream summer, because I haven't quite figured out how to nip that in the bud.

Either way - excitement far out weighs the dread - Just four more days!

Today has been pretty productive. If you can see in that picture up there (20,631) That is how many words I have completed in a story that I have been working hard on. "Secrets within." So far (under my own name - not counting my pen name) I have only ever published "Short stories." This will be my very first - novel. I am really excited about that!
Alongside the writing, the house is in pretty okay shape, and I have edited 30 pictures.

All in all - I think it's been a pretty good day. Not bad for a Monday at all, and not bad for 10:15 on a Monday morning.
Busy! and I like busy. It keeps my mind from straying to places I would rather it not.

Right about now, I am thinking either, a movie or book, and some snacks. At first I was sure that I was being haunted by an angry monster, but realized - it's just my pissed off belly!

Anyone out there seen any good movies lately? Read any good books?  I am always looking for   suggestions.

You know - as I sit here writing this blow, listening to "Heart - These dreams." I realize, that I really cannot wait till these four days are over. It is so boring being home by yourself. I am a boring ass person!
Before I go off into some negative rant about myself, I think I will grab this spoon I am singing into, and dip it in some "Goober" Find a movie, some real food and try to pass the next few hours quickly. Thank goodness, school only lasts until 3!

Have a great day guys. xxDee