I'm not well, they do not know why yet, no doubt more needles, more appointments, more wires, and embarrassing, invasive questions are to come until they do. Do you ever just want to pack in the towel and say fuck it? What ever it is, let it be, I'm just so tired of searching for the answers. I just want to be, LET BE!
I need a vacation! Anyone willing to let me run away with them? If even only for a day or two?
Summer! It's on it's way. The heat has already landed on my front step, but the end of school days is slow to arrive. It seems like these last few weeks are just dragging by. However, the dandelion weeds and wishy flowers make waiting okay.
Pictures finally caught up - and work is still coming steady. I just figure, if I can stay a few a head, maybe I wont drown in the editing process. I have a senior shoot coming up. That should be fun. I look forward to that.
Writing is steady - My fingers seem to click even when it appears my mind isn't quite caught up. I feel slightly ADHD however, due to the fact that I am working on 3 different stories at once. (Come to a blank on one, I move to the next.) Alice - damn Alice. She has me stuck!
I haven't been very social lately - I somewhat feel bad about that. It's me - none of them. It's that, I don't want to be bothered. I'm lost in my head, lost in confusion and my own fear, spazzing about things completely out of my control. You know something I do not understand? Why do doctors tell you these crazy things, these crazy - scare the shit out of you things, and then make you wait? Why bother telling people at all? Why not just say - we are going to run these tests. You don't need to know why, unless results say otherwise.
I long for my kid days. Where a doctors visit and something serious meant a bottle of the pink yummy stuff. "Amoxicillin I think." and a lollipop. Being an adult really blows!
I'm about to cross off a line in my bucket list. I am excited about that. I'm doing the color run! I have always wanted to run in one of those and finally I am getting to. I told myself at the start of this year, that it was all about chasing my dreams. I think if I really think about it, that I told you guys too. But it is all about chasing my dreams, and one of them "the color run - or any 5k really) was one of them.
It's nice you know - looking back and realizing that you followed through. I think that is what I will need to do each new years from now on. Give myself themes. Because saying weird shit like, I'm going to exercise and stop cursing, etc. It's just all bullshit! One big pile of crap that I say to make myself feel better. Themes, just makes it seem possible. I like the no strings thing. The YOU CAN if you want to, but you do not have to, because you never said you would thing. Yep - I think I will stick to themes.
well it's 8. sad as it is, I think I am heading to bed. My pillow says the computer light is too bright and it misses the smell of my coconut scented hair. Have a great night everyone. xxDee
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