What would you believe?

Religion isn't really something I have been into, at least not for most of my life. But due to medical issues, and people around me losing faith. I have been hit with the over abundant need to know more.

The realization that death could be at any moment has set in. I could lose my life from illness, I could walk down the street and get hit by a car or shot. Or even Bashed in the skull by an oversized meteor.

We do not know when it will happen, only that it will. And with people saying things like, We blink out, there is no god, god has abandoned us, or any of those non belief thoughts .... you start to question.

With people talking about how they know without a doubt that there is something more. There is a god, tat god speaks to them, you start to question if they are right, or crazy.

I have been google'ing a lot lately. Near death experiences one of my favorite things to listen to lately. This lady Erica http://www.ericamckenzie.com/ has an interesting one to tell. Although, I have a hard time swallowing it, I can not help but wonder if its true.

I have listened to probably a total of 46 near death stories on the internet in the past few weeks, and while they do differ from one another, they also have quite a few elements that are very much the same. While I wonder if there is truth, I also wonder if they aren't feeding off what they have already heard and have decided to stick to the basics.

There is a very interesting short story, or short film that is actually quite thought provoking. Maybe you have heard it? Gateway of the mind ... you can see it for yourself  here -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG4c5C74-Ys

Either way, the background of this is about a homeless man who volunteered to have surgery to sever all 5 senses with hopes of clearing the mind enough to speak to god .... At the end of this video, the man whispers "God has abandoned us." before flat lining.

While I do not think that could have truly happened .... I do look around at the world and wonder, If there is  god, has he abandoned us? If you look at all the greed, the hypocrisy, the death,  the murder, thievery, it definitely has the ability to make you believe that if there is a god, he doesn't seem to be present.

Either way, my husband is a non believer, he says ... we just blink out. There is nothing. I have a hard time swallowing that too. For those of you out there who do not believe in ghosts, then maybe you won't believe me, just like half of us do not believe the people who claim to have been abducted by aliens, etc. But I have seen things,  I still see things, I hear them, I feel them. I feel like I have seen too much to not believe that there is more.

But then, Nick says things like "Quarts." It has the ability to store energy, and it has been scientifically proven that we create energy. So ghosts, are just manifestations of energy stored.

He says .... people who say they have seen all these things near death, are just victims of their brains firing rapidly. That memories, etc, they can all be firing causing visions of your past, etc. He said to think of dreams .... you dream and they rarely make sense. You wake up , feeling and knowing it was just so real. Same as them, they are victims of their minds malfunctioning. That thought actually got me thinking, that it really could be a possibility.

I have a sister who died when she was a child. She drowned. She was clinically pronounced dead. I will not go into full detail because this story is not mine to tell, maybe someday, she will feel the need to share it out publically. But till then, I can only give the jest. I do not know her age then, because I was a baby in my mothers belly, or perhaps not even a thought. My mother is not a very religious person either, so for my sister to say these things, well .... they make you feel like MAYBE, just maybe there really is something. Needless to say, they did revive her. I do not remember the minutes, how long she was down. But she did say, after seeing a picture of a man in the bible a few years later "This is him mommy, this is the man who held me under the water and said I was going to be okay." My sister couldn't have been older than 7.

I am at a point in my life now, where I feel I need to know. I do not possess the ability to jump in blind faith.

I listened to, and read all these near death experiences. They seem like such a beautiful idea.  But then I read passages where it is started -- "They are not dead, they sleep until I rise them." It is worded differently in the bible. But does that mean, we truly do blink out? That we are just in a dark void? Until the supposed second coming? If that is true, then are all the people who are saying these beautiful things, these people who almost died, are they really, truly just seeing images stored in their mind? Creating a dream like fabrication that just feels real?

The move Flat liners comes to mind, and the want to come close, to come to that brink of death so I can experience it for myself is a strong want. I am too afraid to die however, I have too much to do around here. Too many people who depend on me, People I do not want to hurt, because  I was foolish.

I just wish I knew, I wish I had the faith my sister and her daughters have. But I am only filled with questions. I guess that makes me an agnostic.

Has anyone ever put a near death experiencer on a lie detector platform, to see if they are just spilling out what they think they should say, for 15 minutes of fame?  Either way, this is weighing heavily on my mind. Again,  I am always UNABLE to let go of things I can not figure out ... and this problem isn't one I will have answers to, until death touches me. If even I find out then. If you just blink out, then you know nothing.

Maybe your immortal afterlife .... is really just you existing in the hearts and memories of others. But even that life isn't ever lasting as the blood line draws out over time, you are nothing except to the people you are closest to now. Such a sad thought.

But then again .... If you are an asshole during life and all you do is blink out, then your family wouldn't have to grieve that you are burning in hell somewhere. So I guess its not completely bad if that is the case.

Anyways ..... It is not normal that I blog more than once a day, unless I am doing Tomoson Reviews. But this was on my mind.


Have a great day guys! xxDee
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