Scared Shitless! I could hear the crack of fear in my own voice as I yelled...I have a fucking gun!

Ever wonder if in the event of a burglary an actual in the process burglary whether or not you would feel safe, invincible, like a vigilante on a mission to stop a crime? Ready to get down in the face of danger and save the day or even if you would be in your right mind when at that moment you hold in your hand a gun? Let me assure you right here and now ….

You don’t!

In fact I believe that it possesses a potential to strike more fear into the heart of the holder. Not only are you scared for your life because you have no idea what the person inside your home stealing your things is capable of. But the thought of “What if I am left with no choice but to use this?” Is enough to give any person the jitters.

Suddenly … all those episodes of CSI come flooding my mind. All those remarks of “Yeah He shot that man on his property sure, but he didn’t know if the burglar would have harmed him. The fact he went out to investigate with a gun makes it murder with intent.”

The moment yesterday held for me, as I stood in a broken into garage glancing into an open door that leads into a house holding my handgun, I realized just how ridiculous those remarks had been. Truth is, I do not ever believe it is murder with intent now. When you are frightened, confused, and upset … there is no intent. It is full on instinct to stay alive. To protect yourself, and what is yours. (When I say what is yours, I mean pets or people that may be still inside… not possessions.)

So the man who is being tried for murder for shooting the “would be burglar” in his yard after having been hit in the head with a brick … charges should be dropped. As someone who has witnessed firsthand at the emotions involved, the thoughts and tension … That man did not murder that man, He protected himself. There are no pre-determined intentions of murder. Not in situations like that. I do not think any lawyer or judge who has not been in that predicament is capable of grasping onto the reality of it. There for are not truly fit to judge the situation.

Yesterday while standing in my backyard playing with my dog I see Parker. “Little Yorkie” Thinking it’s just another of his getting loose moments. I scoop him up and head on over to hand him over. To my surprise when my name was yelled I was faced with a much more difficult situation. Next door had been broken into.

I will not give all personal details … because they are not mine to give. I can however tell you what I have learned.

First: Holding a gun in your hand at a time like this holds its benefits along with its chaos. Yes, you will be able to defend yourself if case causes for it. But it also ignites a deeper fear. Making your actions unpredictable. Regrettable. Maybe even unforgettable. But even so, still warranted!

Second: You hear about burglaries all the time … even when they are nine houses down the road you feel distant from them. Like it can’t happen to you. You are able to put it out of your mind and move on without another thought on it. No one pays much attention to it until it hits close to home or you personally. It’s clicked. IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!

Watching someone I care about go through this … it’s heartbreaking.

You are forced to realize that even if you live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows everyone. Bad shit can still happen. The importance of watching out for others plays stronger. Especially when this happened in between 12:19 and 3:00 in the afternoon. BROAD DAYLIGHT and no one saw a thing. No one heard a thing. I live right next door and I didn’t hear or see. The road we live on is lit up from beginning to end with construction workers laying sewer lines. And nada!

I cannot stress enough the importance of home security systems. My home is laced in every room. CPI security keeps a close track on it. TRUST ME, I have set off the smoke alarm cooking on numerous occasions. They are quick to respond. Normal monthly cost to be monitored for me is $42.00 a month. That is well worth it, if you think of the possible outcomes without it.  

Third: There truly is no place completely safe. You might think you live in a safe place, free of crime. “Oh, that won’t happen here!” You might hear. But it will. Because there are bad people in this world. Any country, any state, any county, city ETC. You can’t stop bad people doing bad things. BAD THINGS DO HAPPEN. It is better to stay safe and look ridiculous, than have a false sense of security and wind up getting your picture taken by crime scene investigators.

 

Please stay safe out there you guys! xxDee

 

Letting My inner nerd shine ... You could be standing on the moon today!

Peaceful … That is my word for today! Mainly because as I sit here at my lap top, coffee next to me and music in the background. It is exactly the word that fits how I feel. I love days when I can wake up with thoughts of “This day will be better!” “I will not wake to fight.” Because today will be different. My children are safe … and the past is the past.

Things are about to get personal!

It’s funny … For the biggest portion of my life I could, would blame my past for who I am. For why I do the things I do. ETC. Recently I have realized that (I was playing the victim) I was using my past and the things that formed it as excuses. I was pussing out of taking responsibility for my own actions. I realized just how much I was truly hurting myself by doing this. How much holding onto anger and tears and regret can really affect who you are. It was only recently after talking with a friend that it clicked. Holding onto the past only gives it that much more power. You can only heal and move on once you truly let go. Until you learn to let go and face what is ahead without turning back into the past to grab onto a shred of reasoning for why what happening now is happening you’ll never overcome it!

That lesson helped a lot in recent things in my life. I could have woke up thinking… “Damn that griffin.” I could have focused on the audacity, could have allowed myself to be overcome by irritation. But instead I focused on today. Today … is a good day!

So pretty much I am in a peaceful state. Which by the way … I just want to say “Pandora! Pandora is the shit!”

I put in one artist and it instantly and strangely connected to my soul musically speaking. Not one song I haven’t like has played! Just thought I would let you guys out there know that! In case you are ever in a music bind.

ALSO ….

Would like to tell you guys about something cool I watched and then googled! Did you guys know that you do not need a space shuttle to come into contact with the moon? You may have a small little piece laying undisturbed under your bed, couch or tables (if you are like me and rarely clean under those places) *blush* you could have a piece stuck in the cracks of your sneakers! HOW COOL IS THAT? Seriously “You can check out the original source here – He explains it better than I ever could.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bbgz4yY-xX0 But pieces of space MANY, MANY pieces of space fall to earth every year. Most from asteroids ETC. but some from the moon as well. There are partials from space layering where we walk every day! And you very well could be tracking in your very own piece of the moon! I simply think that is just awesome. But watch the video. He explains it in detail. As well as so many more interesting things.

(So that little tid bit explains the photo)

I am seriously infatuated with the moon. It is by far one of the most beautiful things I have seen. I am amazed by it. (I took this picture last night around 7pm standing in my front driveway) (The little guy next to the moon gave me a fright to remember so I decided to give my friend a little photo shoot) From the safety behind my window screen.

According to google this creepy new friend of mine is called a writing spider. (I know this thanks to my sister Lonna pointing it out) Their bite is harmless to humans … So that is good to know. They may bite if picked up but rarely attack large animals. Lonna points out my recent attempt at a pumpkin patch would explain why it chose my house for a home. These little things tear down and rebuild their web daily and are larger than their males. They really are interesting. Spiders make me fear for my life. However this little guy/gal is benefiting me by eating all those pesky little mosquitos, nats ETC. So we can be friends as long as it stays outside!  It really is quite beautiful.

Either way … this is just a rant about my day. A few lessons learned. Cool moon facts and a friend who doesn’t get the reconization they really deserve, unless they are realized by a frantic screamer holding a shoe.

To anyone who stopped by … thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day! xxDee

Sticking to your guns

Stick to your guns! That is a lesson I have been learning the meaning of for the past two weeks. I am sure if there were ever a quiz on it … I would ace it … No doubt! I’ve never been one for confrontation, I have never gone out of my way to deliberately start something (sisters while still growing up doesn’t count) I have never been malicious or vindictive. It simply is not in my nature. I am too sensitive for that. But sometimes, there are some situations that cause someone even like me to emerge from their door mat like status and stand up. To push back the tears that threaten to pour from having to deal with a harsh situation and hold your chin up a little higher and say … NO! Or Reconsider … or whatever word fits into your own personal situation.

For the past seven years the bus has stopped at my driveway to pick up my children … I admit that I had been spoiled to that. And while it wasn’t my idea of a great change when they changed the bus stop to a few houses down the way. I understood.

However … when a school fails to contact the owner of said driveway. It poses a problem. Especially when owner of said driveway does not want strangers trespassing. They don’t feel comfortable with people in their yard with their children.              ETC. That poses a problem.

When you call the director of transportation assigned to your schools district to explain the circumstance. And they come back with “It is a state maintained road, the state owns a part of their driveway so you will stand on that.” Okay, so legally I am no longer trespassing. But what happens when the lines of the barrier between state owned and privately owned are blurred? There are no visible lines, nothing that helps shield from attacks of consistent reporting of trespassing when you can’t prove otherwise because you do not know where in fact you are overstepping boundaries.

A hassle! An easily avoidable hassle.

But when the only contact you have is that of a Mr. Griffin who has proven to be of low character. You are simply at a loss. When you complain of the situation and practically beg him to rethink, reconsider a separate place. And he simply says “I do not know you, I do not care and frankly I don’t like you, so if you hassle me about this again, I will put them all at the corner”

The corner he talks about is barely after you turn on a blind corner. His job is to map a route and keep children safe while doing so. This by far shows that he is completely failing at his job. To put a bus stop where a bus would be stopped (its back end in the middle of that turn) You not only put children on that bus in danger but the driver as well. I realize that my road says that 15 MILES PER HOUR IS THE LIMIT, but any person who knows the statistics of people who actually follow speed limits KNOWS that they don’t. A car speeding around that corner would barely have time to tap the break much less come to a full halt before crashing into the back end. When convenience takes precedence over child safety because you have a problem with a mother who expresses her concern … well then, you should be looked at further for weather or not you are able to actually do your job.

What are you supposed to do? When the only contact you have is a man who doesn’t give a care about you, or your children … he is just there to get paid. Someone who if you do anything other than let him bend over so you can pucker up deliberately says he can and will make things more difficult if you continue to confront the situation? What do you do? When there are laws that protect your freedom, and loop holes for which they have to invade it? I tell you what you do! You call someone who cares! That is one thing I learned … there are people who are sad and angry, unwilling to help, and then … there are people who care. Mr. Honeycutt proved that today. That NOT EVERYONE is only there to get paid. Some people DO in fact care.

Sticking to your guns will eventually lead you to someone who is in the proper place to help you. Not only in the proper place to help you … but willing. Someone who cares. I honestly do not think that Harnett county schools could do it without him and Mr. Frye.

Even if the situation doesn’t end up in a way you like … even if it stays exactly the same. At least you tried. At least you didn’t give up, and let people like Griffin sit back and smile and take pleasure in your pain. You gave them a little bit of hell. People like that don’t know what to do with people who stand up for themselves. They use power they have. But don’t let that stop you. Because no matter what power they have … there is always someone over them!

Hell … the president doesn’t even have all the power, and that’s the fucking president! Whatever your situation is … fight it! No one ever got what they needed sitting on the side lines and allowing people to make their decisions, their lives up for them.

 

Bottom line ... fight for what you believe in! Because no one else will!

thanks for stopping by

xxDee

 

What would you do? (A pissed off mom rant)

What would you do? Take a look at those two little cuties pictured here … would you put their safety at risk to save your pride?

Picture this …

You are a new bus driver, you are just learning your route. Today is your first day on the job. You see a mom with her two little cuties, they start walking up to get on the bus you put up a finger and pass on by!

“Okay, you’re getting settled, feeling your surroundings. No problem!”

You come back … you pull to the side, put on your flashy lights that signal the kids to walk on over to get on. AT THE SAME STOP (You would have stopped- Had you stopped on the way in.) The same exact place!

Only, now … those children are walking through mud (that the workers- MALE WORKERS) have been digging up to place sewer lines. There are giant holes that they could easily fall into!

The mom speaks up, because … to be frankly honest. It’s safer for those babies to get onto that bus on the way in (where it pulls up to the driveway) safe from the glares of known perverted men (men who are still working on that street which have been in the news circulating of trying to rape a young girl down the trail, a trail on the same side you would have them cross to.) Safe from the heavy machinery (who have a history of not paying attention, more than a few cars have been almost hit by them) and safe from the newly dug holes (going who knows how deep) laying unsanitary lines for sewer. SAFE is the bottom line here.

Being told all that … knowing and hearing all that! What do you do? You say, “Well, I’ll pull closer to your side!” Give a snooty look and pull off.

Hmmmmmm……………………………………………………..

Pride, and strait up bitchy that was. And you can bet your sweet ass I am not a mom who will sit back and take it!

To the school I go! (Phone first) and if that doesn’t change it … to the board. They do not know the lengths a mother will go to protect her children. And she really doesn’t want to find out the hard way with this mother. I of all people should not be her first mom. I do not think her pride will survive it! I will have my way!

There is absolutely no logical reasoning what so ever … that you should deny the request. Same stop, same place, same amount of time! Only difference is they will be safe! In my own opinion she should pull up her knackered in a knot big girl panties, swallow her pride (for the few seconds each morning it takes for them to climb aboard) Or deal with an over bearing, never keeps her mouth shut, will do ANYTHING and everything it takes to make sure those kids are safe mom. Pride or hell? Pride or hell? I will not make it easy.

What would you do? How would you handle this? Am I too overprotective? Or should this lady seriously be reevaluated as being of sound mind to work close to children, much less be in charge of their safety on the road!

Sincerely

A more than pissed off parent!

Randomly me

Sometimes I go … “Damn it Dee, You are the worst person at remembering!” It’s the truth, I get so caught up in life and things going on around me that I forget about the other things I have started or said I would do. I am always being told how I start things but never finish it. It’s true, that statement holds more truth than Maury’s baby daddy results.

I blame 50% of that on my manic side of being bi polar, and the other 50% strait up on being lazy.

Things around here have been crazy. Between hurting my wrist (it turned out to be a ganglion cyst) which the doctor braced me and gave me a lecture on how to let it rest. Being the somewhat good listener I am, I for the most part did that! (It’s hard to let it rest when you got things to do and it just so happens that the wrist braced is your good hand!)

Been through a lot …

Survived a sleep over with 10 girls, ages ranging from six to thirteen. (Hence the photo) It was fun! Dancing, junk food, ghost stories, roasting marshmallows etc. Your typical sleep over. Not to mention I was super proud of myself that everyone was down by 2 am instead of five am like last time. And only a few kids had their hair dyed blue! (Washable of course)

Another boudoir shoot with a lovely girl Amanda. I have to say that a few of her face close ups … I am stunned by just how beautiful this girl is! I very much so enjoy editing her photos.

You know … it is a little funny how photos become a lot like your kids. You nurture them till they are ready and when it’s time to hand them over to the world (or) in this case to Amanda. I feel a little sad!

School starts in less than 16 days and I couldn’t be more excited! That being said I long for the days to slow down. I really am not looking forward to getting up early nor being alone during the day. Crossing my fingers that someone around here that is walkable, or bike able will hire me!

It is the beginning (middle) of August and all I can think about is Halloween! It’s my favorite holiday ever, with exception of thanksgiving (pie!!) I can’t wait to see what all the little kids decide to be. Nor to strike fear in the hearts of each and every one of them!

I’ve been growing a pumpkin plant, and I tell you … anyone who knows me knows just how nerdy I have been about the whole thing. I can’t help it. I feel like I did something. Sure it’s only a pumpkin plant, but it’s my freaking pumpkin plant and I grew it from seed! Cannot wait until it sprouts the first pumpkin. You guys no doubt will hear all about it!

Have been going through a clutter my life free stage. (Emotion wise) mind you I am sure Nicholas would prefer it was the cabinets and drawers. I just realized how much negative energy I was allowing into my life. How much (Pointless) negative energy. So I decided to clean house (mentally speaking)

Needless to say, August has started off with a busy streak and shows no sign of stopping.

Now I am off to decide what I am going to be for Halloween – Maybe a fairy! What are you guys thinking of going as?

Hope anyone out there who reads this, who took the time to know me through whatever I share here has a wonderful day. Smile a ton, laugh a lot more and do something silly! xxDee

Crazy Cat Lady

Meet Rumor! (Pictured here)

 Rumor is about five or six months of age. (I’m Guessing) She is a loveable, sociable, normal run of the mill cat. Her only difference is that she is a stray. I believe (due to the fact she is so sociable) that she once had a home, a loving home too. Your typical … we want a kitten, we got a kitten, Oh how cute, It’s getting older, More work involved, Not as cute as before, Okay we are done, this is old, lets drop her off somewhere situation.

When she found her way to me she was skin and bones. You could literally make out every rib. Her hips were protruding so badly that it made her look as though her sides were caved in. She resembled death. Or looked to be on the verge of it. Between the open sores oozing green pus and the lack of nutrients. If I didn’t help. She would die. I just unfortunately went through the death of a cat on my watch. (Some asshole thinks that it’s okay to shoot cats) I was not about to do it again!

I suckered her close with promises of a nice slice of cold turkey. Surprised at how quickly she came. The moment she took that bite, I think her decision was made. This (as in my porch) was home. I don’t mean to do this. (Collect) so many stray animals. But I can’t turn an animal in need away. I used to categorize myself as a dog lover! Turns out … I’m that crazy cat lady! Funny thing … I am allergic to them! It starts off as a mission to save them, they need food and water and once they are healthy they will be fine! But they choose to never leave.

Ya’know … I do not understand people! I do not see how they can be so careless with a life. Regardless of whether it’s an animal or a person. If you buy a kitten, dog, etc. or just inherit one … It is up to you to make sure it has what it needs to survive. To get the thing neutered so that it’s not continuing to over populate a world of already over many animals still searching for homes of their own! Seriously pisses me off when someone gets and animal then decides they didn’t want that sort of responsibility after all, so out into the world they go to fend for themselves! That’s bullshit!

Either way … that is my rant for today, along with an introductory to the newest member of the family. (At least until I can find it a home)

Hoping you are all having a wonderful day … got an animal? Show it some love! If you see an animal who needs a little help, lend a hand! xxDee

Okay! I admit it, I almost peed a little!

I stand corrected!

Do you guys remember me complaining a few posts back about not having any new, scare the pants off of you horror flicks lately? How I have been disappointed and let down? Well … I take that back!

I just recently watched “The evil dead -2013 version”

Seriously A Holy moly, I’m really freaked out, hide my head under the covers … plug my ears and scream out “Tell me when it’s over!” like moment! I watched this two weeks ago and I am still having nightmares! I can’t even have the commercials come on without me scrambling to find the remote to quick change it, because now just a tiny portion invokes a panic attack.

I feel like a total ninny. This movie hits home on quite a few of my fears.

First there is the natural fear that we all have … *the fear of the unknown* Stricken by the curiosity that follows. (Which is why I wanted to see the movie.) The fear of the unknown in this flick, is the unseen deities, the possibilities of another dimension existing and its ability to find loopholes to break through.

Then there is my extreme fear (I am afraid of looking at people who appear to be themselves but are not who now look back) this includes, zombies, possessed people, hypnotized people, dementia and Alzheimer's suffers, clowns and mask wearing people, mimes, etc.)

I think this fear stems from a childhood games my older sister would play on me. She would look at me with this blank face and say “I’m not your sister Diane!” “I ate your sister!” Then she would lunge at me immediately provoking fear. Clowns, mimes, mask wearers I believe has something to do with our natural ability to determine whether or not someone is a threat. And I quote a YouTube video I watched recently uploaded by Vsauce – called Why are things creepy *It is definitely worth a watch*Why are things creepy I’m a huge fan! But we as a species tend to gage the expressions on others to decide if they are ok or not. You can’t tell if a mask is covering a person’s face … or make up makes them always smile. For all we know the mask that’s smiling sweetly in our direction is hiding a serial killer scowl! And that creepy non stop smiling clown just might have arsenic in that spray flower.

My fear of people with dementia and Alzheimer’s is from the fear of being lost. It’s the realization of just how fragile we *our minds* truly are.  

Bottom line … I was wrong. I seriously thought, there is nothing new (grant you this is a remake) nothing worth watching. All the scary movies disappoint at the end.

But I finally found one that scared the Bajeezus out of me! Unfortunately scarred me for life, and I am pretty sure this is one that I will not be watching again. Not because it’s not worth it. But because I am a freaking wuss puss!

I recommend it to anyone looking for something a little creepy! And while I am recommending movies worth watching. “6 souls with Julianne Moore and Johnathon surprised me!” It’s another *looks like it might not be that great, holy wow it was type finds* Enjoy!

Anyone out there have any movie choices worth seeing? Even if they go along with “The evil dead” Im game! Let me know.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! xxDee