Is it right, or is it wrong?

A few days ago, I asked a question on Facebook. "That question," can be seen in the picture up top.
FIRST: Let me give you a back story, to how I even got to that question.

There I was, relaxing in bed, a Stephen King novel in hand. "Insomnia." Sipping on my morning coffee, and enjoying the leftover pop tart that one of the kids didn't finish before catching the bus.
When my phone rings.
"Hello?" It's my sister Bree. She is coming to me for advice. Instantly, I feel awesome. Not often does she do this. What is this advice on? A camera. What I thought about the camera she was considering purchasing.
I pull it up on Best Buy and I start glancing over the specs. MY GOD! I am jealous! I want this camera. It's twice the camera I have now, and I could really use it. It would improve the quality of my work. "Photography."
Honestly, it is a pretty awesome camera, and I think she will be over the moon happy with it. (When) it comes out. Turns out, its not even available yet, and no one knows when.
Either way - I turned green with envy. I looked at the price. $1699.99. *Damn!* Out of any price range I have at the moment, especially with more pressing matters at hand. "Paying off the car and saving so Nick can get a new one, fixing the upstairs AC unit, so that Britt can have her own room. Getting new tires because the ones on the van are going bald. Taking the girls to get new shoes and clothes because GOSH DARN- kids grow out of everything and fast! I cannot justify spending that amount of money on myself. Not when there are so many other things that we need it for.
THEN BOOM!
An idea pops into my head. I bring it up to Bree, she is for it! Totally for it. GO FUND ME. Now keep in mind, this is a story. I have NOT set up a go fund me account.
To me, I was torn. Torn by something that I really wanted. And lets face is, If all those girls saying, FUND ME, because I am cute and want to go to Vegas can get away with it. Maybe someone would fund me enough to help me get an awesome camera.
So I asked .... Was it ethical.
I am pretty sure that I knew the answer to this question when I typed it out. I think I just needed someone to agree with me first.
ALMOST ALL of the answers, were ABSOLUTELY, go for it! You are not pressuring them, you are not forcing them, it is up to them whether or not they do. So really, as long as I am telling the truth, I am not being shady.
It was really sounding good ... and quite honestly, it still sounds good.
But it's not me. I just cannot do it. It feels, morally wrong to me. Here I am saying, help me buy this camera. Basically I am that guy sitting at the intersections of the highway asking for handouts, only to drive away in a new car. (Grant you- not that bad.) But I am perfectly capable of earning and saving, little by little to get what I want. I was just being lazy and looking for a get it quick scheme. I found it! I have absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that it would in fact work. But what I cannot guarantee is that guilt wouldn't eat me alive.
Now if I was trying to raise money for something worth while, like giving to the Red Cross, or a local animal shelter, then I would be all up on that. But for something so selfish as a new camera for myself. I just couldn't.

I am however, going to put away a little of each candle I sell, each book that I sell, each photography session I partake in - and eventually, EVENTUALLY, I will earn enough to get that camera.
So wish me luck on that. Someday, you guys will be getting an "I FREAKING DID IT!" Post with a picture of my over the top crazy smile, hugging a new camera.

OTHER THAN THAT, There isn't really a whole lot that is going on with me. I have however found a NEW FOUND love for my camera again. I admit that I had set it down. That only taking my camera out for a job, was taking its toll on my heart. I missed taking it out for random, doesn't really matter shoots. I just wanna take pictures. I am excited all over again about photography lately. I am quite enjoying it. My dog on the other-hand. Probably not as much as me. How adorable is he in those glasses. That face, just cracks me up.

I hope you all are having a great day. I also hope that if you have a go fund me account and are using it for something you want, please do not take offense to what I said here. If you wanna go balls to the wall and get what you want, You will get no judgment out of me.

Have a great day everyone. xxDee

Blood Boiling

You know that peaceful day I was having? Completely CRASHED down into a sea of red. Anger, that is how I feel right now. Fucking ANGRY as hell!

People, people make me sick to my stomach. Legitimately sick to my stomach. You know how they euthanize animals, because no one wants them, they are over populating the world, etc. Well, maybe we should re-think whether or not that should be an option for people like this.

Sitting in my driveway, waiting for my girls to get off the bus. Something I do every weekday that they haven't talked me into staying home.
Never mind that, I try my best to keep my yard well kept, never mind that he flicked his smoke butts into my yard, and in my drain pipe. Those butts will just wash out into my yard later. That is not what this is about, that did however irritate me too.

What pissed me off was the sheer lack of humanity, compassion for an animal.
These people, I do not know. They are young. Early 20's maybe. Placed at my driveway for the bus stop. Which isn't what I mind either. What I did mind was what they were saying.

What did they say that pissed me off royally?

Husband to the redhead - Got a new toy. A gun. What were they gloating, laughing, and making a fun fuss over what he was doing with that gun?
Shooting animals. Namely (so far) Just a cat that wondered into his yard. Let me correct that, not his yard, but a yard belonging to someone he rents from.
SHOOTING FUCKING ANIMALS!!!!!!!
Are you mother fucking kidding me? Why? Because they wondered into your yard? What did he say after that. It's fine, there are all kind of cats and dogs wondering around here.
(Which there are.- North Carolina, at least the part I live in, has a no leash law.)
Instantly, all I could think about was this helpless cat. This helpless orange cat that had been shot in the head by some other pathetic excuse for a person "Lowlife!" This same orange cat survived! I nursed him back to health and legit took pride, when I saw him walking around the woods. THEN, Again. I have a feeling the same asshole, did it again.
THIS TIME, there was no saving him. He was too far gone. I will never forget the look in that cats face. I will never forget the tears I cried when Nick and I put it out of its misery. I will never forget the heart break or he anger when we had to bury him in our backyard.

Then I think of another cat -- it's face mangled. It had been hit, beaten and maybe even shot. I am unsure, it was too scared of humans, I couldn't get close enough to save him.

BUT NOW --- All these few years later that I have tried to get those memories out of my heart. Because I seriously cannot understand the disregard for an animals life. But after all this time, its drudged up!

All I can see are all these pets, out and about. Most cats around here are inside/outside cats. Some dogs get free on accident. and now with people on this street, they have a reason to worry. PETS, Peoples pets! Look at that kitty face up there. That is my kitty Amelia, she is an indoor/outdoor cat. Should she be shot?
You know what they said they do after they shoot them? Just throw them in the road, or take them to the highway!
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?????????
I swear, sometimes that movie "The purge." Makes absolute sense. If it wasn't illegal, I would so choose my own purge days. People like this. They wouldn't exist.

They plan on shooting "Cats, dogs, birds, raccoons, and deer." Hope they do not kill a redheaded woodpecker, those are protected. Their ass would be smacked with a big fat ass fine.

JUST THROW THEM ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY! what the hell! They truly are fucking scum.

Called the Sherriff. All I can do is make a report and from there call animal control and let them know what is happening.

What world is it that we live in, that we cannot protect the animals that inhabit it with us. I'm highly upset. Let's just say-- they are lucky that hurting people is illegal, and I don't want to go to jail.
I swear, sometimes I love animals more than I love people. I am sorry, I just really needed to rant. Needed this off my chest. Now I need to go find the cat they shot and threw into the woods behind their home, so that I can bury it.

Fuck them! And people out there like them. If you are heartless, shooting helpless animals, then I hope someday you are outside and someone does you just the fucking same!

Signed ... pissed the fuck off!

No complaints out of me - not today.

Today- today is going to be a good day. I have decided and so it will be. At first I wasn't really sure. But right now, at this very moment- with the cool breeze upon my face, the smell of lavender in my nose and the sweetness of my tea coating my mouth- it WILL be a good day. I need it to be.
(Note- This is thursday- life got in the way and I never finished this post.)

TODAY/Today, as in Monday of the following week from that Thursday --It is a good day.
I remember Thursday, I remember why it started off rocky. Family issues. I am sure some of you have a family member you do not get along with too well. Well ... I was dealing with those sort of issues. There for, I was sure the day was going to be a crap day. But it wasn't, it really wasn't.

FIRST GREAT THING on Thursday, was my AC got fixed! FINALLY! If you have been following any of my blogs, maybe you have come across one or two of me bitching about the damned AC, and how long it was taking to get fixed!
Well, that day I called to switch my Case worker (She didn't end up switched) BUT the people handling my system did get switched. BELL COW! (Funny name right?) But memorable and very much the people you want at your door if you have an issue with your system. Link to Bell Cow (if you ever need them)
How crazy is that? You get assigned a shitty company and two and a half months later, nothing has happened other than getting a huge bill for 1450 (starting price-more if they find more work needing repaired) You call to get a second opinion, because A. You know these people are just dicking around and B. if that is really the price, you sure as hell are not paying it to an undeserving company. There was some uncovered cost -- but ($300) is a lot more tolerable to swallow than $1450.00 plus. THANKS BELL COW!

It has been a long, and I do mean long last week and long weekend that followed. But today, this Monday (Yes!) Finally a day to relax.
I have been working my ass off in the yard. Lets say 10 plus years of pine needles raked (literally took me two days) for just an eighth of the yard done. (Sigh) But looks nice.
Two trees down - That part is (Meh :/) I really wish we could have saved those trees. But unfortunately due to the sewer guys who installed our tie in pipe. (They cut right through) Key major roots of those trees and they were dying and leaning towards our home. One good ice storm mixed with a stable wind and they would have fell. Would have taken out the whole front of my home (Britts room.) and the garage. So it was a matter of - house or trees.
Bonus, I will get to plant something with a less invasive root, so I will feel like I am giving life a little. Also, the tree parts, I will dig out the tops off, add soil and use them as planters. So the tree didn't have to die in vain. It will nourish "Mint, rosemary, sage, etc."
It was a full week of outside work, so today -- and for the rest of this week, I have decided that inside work is the way to go. I'm just tired as hell and quite honestly beat the hell up. Scrapes and bruises all over.

Got a cool picture of a red headed woodpecker. They are endangered in these parts. (I know Ft. Bragg- protects them.) I'm wondering if I can find a few nests, take the pictures of them ... if I cannot save the woods behind my house from getting chopped down for more cookie cutter homes.
I do not really have much faith, due to the fact that they just chopped down a shit ton of trees to build a lot of houses down the road (but get this.) There is a HUGE white sign saying, wetlands, preserved.  They are not supposed to be building there. It was supposed to be preserved. But thanks to some rich yuppy, they got the permits and now they are building away.
I am quite pissy, and sad about this. ONE, I bought the house I live in, because I loved, ABSOLUTELY LOVED how many trees were around. Every where else we looked, there were no trees, and now they are taking them away. and TWO. The wildlife, I am literally witnessing them being drove out.
All the deer - They are hunkering closer to streets, in our yards, because their home is being taken away. I feel a sort of rage because of it. But I am at a loss on what I can do about it.

Religion has been playing a huge part of my life lately. I was never really a religious person, I am not a crazy nut job who is going to show up at your house and say pray or hell or anything. But there is no doubt about it, my curiosity is peaked. Not to mention, my big sis Bree. Darn her.
So she tells me about this documentary, about how god could be aliens, OF COURSE she can not remember the name of the Netflix documentary and I really want to see it. Anyone out there know of a Netflix documentary about god being an Alien, it supposedly touches base with all things in the bible and makes sense. I cannot help but having the want to see it for myself.
Either way -- I guess I am just lost in this subject.
Right about now, I am simply hoping that believing and doing good is enough, because the life I have led. Some of my thoughts. I can't say I am worth loving enough to be saved.
Maybe all the curiosity stems from the fact that I can feel my mortality. I can feel the years, I can sense that the time is passing at a quicker pace than before.
Sigh -- I really do not know what to think of myself or what I think involving any of this.

Finished a book - another book. It's in editing. I edited it, HOWEVER, if you read my blog or anything I write, well -- then you know that punctuation, not really my bag of tea. I love the story telling, but I muck up editing. Thank god for people who know what they are doing in that department. I am so excited and I cannot wait. I have published a few other books since my first, but those are under a false name. I cannot wait to use my own name again. EXCITEMENT!

Well, its almost 3:30 which means I have two monsters who will be getting off the bus soon. I just wanted to update what was up with me. I hope that anyone who comes across this, has a great day/night ... do something that makes you smile! xxDee

PS. I absolutely love that picture. I snapped that rose sitting lonely on a table at the beach park at myrtle beach. I simply thought it was beautiful. Have a great one xx

I feel like I am beating my head against a wall ... (And a Re-prieve!)

Normally (Due to superstitions) I do not like to put out anything negative. I am a full time believer in (what you put out- comes right back.) But I also believe that holding things in can have a major effect. Also, and quite frankly ... I just need this off my chest.

I feel like I have been bashing my head against the wall dealing with Idiots! Freaking, gosh darn, cannot do their jobs, morons of customer service. I was seriously losing hope in the worlds ability to hire people with actual intellect. Someone capable of doing what is expected, someone who can do what they said they would do. 

It's no secret that I have been miserable dealing with the people who were initially hired to fix our AC unit. It's been two months and nothing, nada, still broke. (I blogged about it.) Hadn't heard from them at all. Until, we get an email saying they are going to replace it. They are going to charge "Fuck all." For modifications. Why are we doing this? Because the coils are in a space that they are unreachable, and cannot be changed. WTF? 

NATURALLY - We have a problem with this. 

We call our case manager (Candace.) 

We had just spoken with Eddie, who we (made sure knew) that the system under the house is completely get-to-able. We have already been through this, we have had numerous people come out to fix the damned AC because it is forever breaking.  They said they would send out a technician so WE could show him how to do his job. 

Back to a minute ago ... we call Candace. We let her know. She starts telling me that they are going to send out someone to better see what is going on with that. (I know, I just got off the phone with them to make it happen, you did nothing.) - (I let that slide.)

We are good with that! Because that means, they can fix the coil (which is what is broke.) Only the coil, and we will not be ass out in an amount we cannot afford at this moment. 

She says - I will call you back on Wednesday to make sure the contractor has been in touch. 

WEDNESDAY - I get a call, I missed this call because I was too busy singing in the shower, to be bothered with answering the phone. (I didn't recognize the ring tone.) I get her message, saying they have sent the specifications. That they are ordering a new unit. 

WHAT????????? 

What the fuck happened to sending someone out? What happened to seeing if the coils could in fact be changed? What happened to people doing what they say they are freaking going to do?
(Ps. NO - The contractor had not been in touch, and I was now dealing with this on my birthday.) *Assholes!*

THAT IS A PET PEEVE OF MINE! 

If you say you are going to do something. THEN DO IT! If you don't. Chances are, you have just annoyed the hell out of me, and I will never believe a word you say from then on out. I forgive, but I do not forget and my trust is hard to earn. 

So ... annoyed that they are just ordering parts without having the technician come out. I call her back and leave a message. SURPRISE no call back. (I have never received a call back on any of the occasions I have left messages) I love how they say, if you have questions or concerns call me and I will call you back. THAT IS BULL. It's just to make you feel better. Do not expect a call back. At least not from people who are incompetent.

But that is what this whole rant was about ... people who are hired to do a job, and then fail to do it. They are out there, annoying the shit out of people like me and so many more. Maybe even one of you have dealt with the frustration of a failure at their job. Sometimes I wonder how they even manage to land the job in the first place? 

Needless to say ... I got a re-prieve. THANKS DYLAN! He is someone at First home warranty who knows how to help the customer. Who listens to your concerns, who does something about it, instead of pushing you aside, because some workers would rather dick around doing what ever the fuck Candace was doing other than her job. (I will be assigned a new case manager for the claim, and they are sending a different company out.) There are good workers out there, and if you run into a bad one, be persistent, maybe luck will be on your side and you'll end up with someone better qualified. 

Here's to hope!   Hoping that this next round, goes a little more smoothly. 

Hope everyone who happens past this, has a great day. xxDee

Where do they get it ?

This is for those of you out there with kids. Do you ever just look at them, in their moments of jerk like behavior and think ... "Where the hell did you learn to be such a little asshole?"

If you have asked yourself this - chances are that you already know the answer.

Maybe you use better or different language than I did here, however its always something similar, 

That really was what my husband and I were thinking, (The quote in the picture there.) Really was what we asked ourselves in one short moment in time. 

I mentioned in another blog that I finally figured out how to get all my information off of old hard drives. Well, learning how to do that, let me see all the old photos I have missed seeing. 

The two in the picture - being the two that led to this blog. 

Nicholas and I stare at our three girls. They look adorable, and sweet, almost like well mannered children who listen to their parents, never throw fits, never fight, etc. (I could give so many *I wish* scenarios here- but I will spare myself the heartache.)  I know the truth. I'll just give you the literally convo.

Nicholas: Aww, They are so cute! How can they be so cute, but at the same time, still be such assholes?

Diane: I know right ... I don't get it. 

(we click to the next photo.)

Nicholas: Oh ... I see! 

I simply agree. They really do get their assholish behavior from us. The evidence is right in the smug like looks on our faces. 

It's funny when I think back at all the curses parents place on their kids (aka- a familiar one.) I hope your children are half as bad as you. 

I always laughed at that one, I wasn't really a bad kid ... Was I? 

Well - *AfreakingParently* I really was ... only the curse didn't just give them my half of badness, but nicks half as well - Giving us three full blown Brats! 

I say that with all the love in the world - Reality, I couldn't live without those girls even in their worst moments. They are my reason for living. 

I just wanted to give all the parents out there who might have passed by and seen this - a little reminder. 

Love them - even when they are driving you crazy and making you want to yank your hair out. They are simply little versions of you.

Think back to when you were a kid - don't you remember doing some of the same things?

I find myself having to stop and think for a moment (a lot) of the time. Because it is true. I have done most of the silly things they have done (that is annoying the crap out of me in those moments) to my own family. 

Spoiled - on the other hand, that's a whole different ballgame. I didn't have half of what my children have today, and it's like my friend Jeri said to me today. 

WE ARE BOTH SUCCEEDING AND FAILING

We may be able to give them more than our parents ever gave us, but it seems the bitter sweet truth of doing just that, is what causes greed to be a little more than just a possibility on developing attitudes. 

My sister ... Her kids, take nothing for granted. They do not throw fits when they are told no, they accept it, figuring that they can just get it another time. 

My kids - not so much. Sometimes leaving a store without the intended item ends in all out war. 

I'm thinking that, I will have to scan through a lot of mother blogs out there to help me out with that issue. (they are not greedy - but they could very well end up that way if I do not find middle ground.)

So why are our children these days little jerks? It's in their genes. 

Hope anyone and everyone who happened to come across this blog has a fantastic day. xxDee

I'm Dreaming About :By, Dan Jackson: (Book Review)

Okay, so anyone who knows one of us Chattaway's (knows) that we absolutely love to read in this house. So scoring a free book to read, in exchange for a book review, is probably one of our favorite ways of scoring. 

Book up for review (I'm dreaming about, By Dan Jackson.)

First thing you notice, is the adorable book cover. My children being HUGE animal lovers, fell in love with the cover of the story. 

Second thing you notice, is that this is more of a encyclopedia, or resource for information, rather than an actual children's story. 

Third thing (probably most important.) Is that the illustrations is what keep the child's attention. Some facts seem cool, others my daughter tended to blow off. "That being said- she is into story, type stories.) Now my daughter Erin, is very much into non fiction and this was right up her alley. 

So I had to read it twice, with two very different types of children. 

Avery - This wasn't the sort of story for her, although she did enjoy the free color pages that came with it! (BONUS- It comes with color pages that you can print out.) 

Erin, quite enjoyed all the little facts. In fact, I have overheard  her telling her father a few she had learned. 

The story itself is full of fun facts, well informative. The illustrations are cute and endearing. So while you are getting your kid to (aww) at the site of an adorable pup, they are soaking in, whether they know it or not, quite a bit of information. 

This is not one of those types of stories that you will spend night after night reading, and re-reading to an eager to hear what happens toddler. But for an educational purpose, its a ok!

If you want to check it out for yourself, you can by following this link. I'm Dreaming About : By Dan Jackson

as always -- thanks for stopping by xxDee

Freebies!

It's no secret that I love free stuff. I am forever trolling the internet looking for people/companies, that are willing and want to hand over a little something free in exchange for a honest review in turn.

GoodReads, Tomoson those are just to name a few.

Here is a list of my next few freebies, that you will see me ranting and raving about, whether good or bad, here on my blog. Giving a out about them, in case you would rather skip that blog or make sure you do not miss it.

First up:
A kids story (I am dreaming about.)
You can check it out too if you want Link to kids book
I have not read this yet, but a quick look through, makes this look a lot more like an educational peice than an actual children's story.

Next up:
A very adult book. (Going Down, The only guide you'll ever need.)
Curious? Here's a link to get your own copy.

I haven't read this yet, and I am sure that I will blush through every second I am reviewing it. taking a glance into the "Look inside." portion, it doesn't look half bad.

Last but NOT least:
Some sort of Scar Gel
If you have a scar or even multiples you can give it a try too following this link -- .Scar Gel
If you haven't realized, I have a rather large scar of my forehead that I am hoping will lesson its visibility, and I plan on trying it on a few stretch marks (that are in fact scars)

Heres to hoping I am not wasting my time. If any of these peak your interest, keep an eye open, I will be reviewing them soon.  If you guys want to review right along with me, Feel free.
Check out Tomoson if you like free stuff too.

Happy Freebie hunt, and reviewing guys! xxDee